Tuesday, August 15, 2017


Last week when my anxiety was at it's peak, I was listening to this song to help calm me.  Whether it's anxiety or some other kind of fear, I think this is a really great song to listen to.

What fears do you have?  Mine are heights, spiders (and any bug that can hurt you), supernatural/demonic stuff, and abandonment.  I have MAJOR abandonment issues.  I guess that's probably why I go crazy when a friend leaves me - especially when we're close.  I also worry a lot about people.  When I see someone making poor choices, or someone who's suffering, I really wrestle with God about it.  I'm also afraid of being in front of a lot of people.  I mean, when I've done some acting in school, I really enjoyed it - but I was also someone else.  I wasn't acting as myself, so if anyone was going to judge me, they'd be judging the character instead of me.

A few years ago at an apologetics event at a church in Knoxville, TN, I gave a presentation on a personal account of the problem of evil.  I was absolutely terrified and felt so awkward being up there.  I had slides to go with my presentation (that also featured some of my own artwork) and it wasn't working correctly.  So I had to go off my notes.  I even tried to make a joke and no one understood it!  After I finished I was like "Never again am I doing something like this again!"

I have a fear of failure, especially when it comes to failing God.  I often feel like a failure, and am crippled when I feel like I've failed God in something.  I mean, there are going to be times that we're going to fail at things; there are going to be times that we're going to fail God.  We're not perfect, and God knows we're not perfect.  We are going to fail sometimes.  I fail on a daily basis, and I may beat myself up for it, but really, I need to just learn from my mistakes instead of beating myself up for it.

The LORD is my light and my salvation - so why should I be afraid?  The LORD is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble?

Psalm 27:1

We truly have nothing to be afraid of.  I mean, I'm afraid of everything, and I mean that in a literal sense.  I've always been a very fearful person.  PTSD causes a person to be in either FIGHT or FLIGHT mode, and I'm DEFINITELY in FLIGHT mode - all the time.  Take my fear of spiders - I can't even watch Charlotte's Web because there's a spider in it!  Don't even get me started on Arachnophobia (thank God I've never watched that movie)!  I don't even know why I'm terrified of them!  All I know is when I see one I run away and pretty much burst into tears.  My fear of spiders is so bad, that in 9th grade in the science classroom, there was a dead spider in a jar, and it was a big one.  Someone who knew I was terrified of spiders grabbed the jar and stuck it right in my face!  I literally ran all the way to the other end of the classroom, hid underneath the teacher's desk and curled up in a fetal position in tears.  The teacher had to coax me out I was so scared.

Anyway, if we are protected by the Almighty God of the universe, the creator of all things, why should we be afraid?  Even the demons are afraid of Him!  There's a story that the Apostle Paul was shipwrecked on an island and was bit by a venomous snake.  God protected him though, and the venom didn't affect him!  The islanders were so amazed that they thought Paul might've been a god.  Now I'm not saying go out and be a moron and try to beat death at his own game.  But if God can protect Paul from a venomous snake, even better, if God can defeat death itself, then what do we have to be afraid of?  In Christ, we truly have nothing to be afraid of.  So let's stand strong and fearless!

No comments:

Post a Comment