Thursday, December 17, 2015

Promises



I heard this song a few months ago and I really liked it, but I couldn't figure out what song it was until I heard it on the radio in the car today.  I looked up the lyrics and knew I needed to blog about this song.

Sometimes it's hard to keep believing in what you can't see
That everything happens for a reason even the worst life brings
If you're reaching for an answer and you don't know what to pray
Just open up the pages, let His Word be your strength

And hold on to the promises (hold tight)
Hold on to the promises (all right)
Jesus is alive, so hold tight
Hold on to the promises

And all things work for the good of those who love God
He holds back nothing that will heal you, not even His own son
His love is everlasting, His faithfulness unending
Oh, if God is for us who can be against us
So, if you feel weak

Just hold on to the promises (hold tight)
Hold on to the promises (all right)
Jesus is alive, so hold tight
Hold on to the promises

Neither life nor death could separate us
From the eternal love of our God who saves us

Neither life nor death could separate us
From the eternal love of our God who saves us

Just hold on to the promises (hold tight)
Hold on to the promises (all right)
Jesus is alive, so hold tight
Hold on to the promises

Just hold on to the promises (hold tight)
Hold on to the promises (all right)
Jesus is alive, so hold tight
Hold on to the promises

Neither life nor death could separate us
From the eternal love of our God who saves us 




For the past month I've been feeling really abandoned by God.  People tell me he hasn't abandoned me, but I've been feeling so hopeless and like God is working against me instead of for me.  That's the problem with feelings though.  We feel like we've been abandoned when really we haven't been.  I've tried medication after medication to treat my depression.  I've tried intense therapy (DBT - Dialectical Behavior Therapy).  I was going to try ECT (Electroconvulsive Therapy) but I got rejected for it because of my brain injury I got from my first suicide attempt several years ago.  This has left me feeling very hopeless because I feel like that was my last chance at controlling my depression, and that chance fell through.  So I looked at the lyrics to this song and it really resonated with me.


Sometimes it's hard to keep believing in what you can't see
That everything happens for a reason even the worst life brings
If you're reaching for an answer and you don't know what to pray
Just open up the pages, let His Word be your strength


Sometimes it's really hard to trust God, let alone believe he's there when you can't see him.  You can't see him, you can't hear him, you can't touch him, it's as if he's a figment of our imagination - and there are people who believe that.  I'm not going to debate whether he exists or not.  But I do understand why it can be difficult.  Sometimes life can beat us down so bad we don't know what to pray.  Sometimes we just want to ball our eyes out and scream, "WHY GOD?!  WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!"  But when we cry out to him, often times we're left with silence.  This can be so frustrating.  We wonder, "Is he even listening?  Can he even hear me?"  We may not be able to physically hear him speak to us (or at least the majority of us), but there is a way he speaks to us - through his Word, Scripture.  God whispers to us in our time of discomfort like

For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for life; weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
- Psalm 30:5

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
- Psalm 147:3

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”
- Matthew 5:4

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
 - Matthew 11:28

 ( For more:  https://lifehopeandtruth.com/bible/bible-study/encouraging-bible-verses/encouraging-bible-verses-about-comfort/ )

We can be strengthened by the Word.  I'll admit, I haven't been reading my Bible very much.  My husband reads to me every night, but as for me reading it on my own I haven't done in a while.  I want to get back to reading it, but I've had some fears about reading it.  But I'm going to start reading it again because that is how God communicates to us.  If I want to hear from him, instead of focusing on the silence of God, I need to listen to what he says in his Word he's provided us.


And all things work for the good of those who love God
He holds back nothing that will heal you, not even His own son
His love is everlasting, His faithfulness unending
Oh, if God is for us who can be against us
So, if you feel weak


And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
- Romans 8:28





 No matter how bad things seem, no matter how hopeless things look, we have been promised that everything will work together for the good of those who love God.  So even though things look hopeless for me in treating my depression, it's somehow going to be okay.  Things will work for good.

God will heal me some day.  It may not be in this life, but some day I won't have to deal with this depression anymore.  Some day all sickness - mental and physical - will be gone.  Sometimes we get healed in this life, other times we have to wait until the next life.  I often feel like this depression has me in chains, but some day the chains will be broken and I'll be free!

God is faithful.  When he promises something, he keeps that promise.  When God made a covenant with Abraham, he had Abraham sacrifice some animals and cut them in two so someone could walk in between them.  When this covenant was made, whoever walks through between the two sides of the animals was making a promise that if they ever broke that covenant, they would end up the same way as those animals.  Guess who walked through?  It wasn't Abraham, it was God!  So God was saying, "If I break this covenant, it will be the end of me."  God kept his promise with Abraham and keeps all of his other promises.

God's love is so unbelievable.  God sent his son to die for us.  He died for our past sins, our present sins, and our future sins.  Jesus was tortured, mocked, and killed in our place so we could approach God and have a relationship with him.  He loves us for who we are, wicked sinners and all.  We don't deserve him, but he gives himself for us anyway.

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?
- Romans 8:31

I may feel like God is against me, but the truth is he is for me!  God isn't laughing at us when we suffer.  He isn't saying, "Well, you're screwed, can't do anything to help ya."  No, he is on our side!  No matter how big our problems may be, God is on our side and wants to help us through it.  If the all-powerful God of the universe is on our side, who could possibly be against us that is even worth worrying about?  Let me answer that question for ya, NO ONE!!!


Neither life nor death could separate us
From the eternal love of our God who saves us


For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers.....
-Romans 8:38

NOTHING can separate us from the love of God.  Nothing we do, say, or think can separate us from the love God.  Not life, not death, not angels, not demons, absolutely NOTHING can separate us from the love of God.  I really struggle with this concept, but I know it to be true.  It's really quite a foreign concept for us.  We're used to things, big and small things, separating us from people.  But for God, nothing can separate us from the love of God.  People are fickle and can change often.  But God never changes.  God will ALWAYS love us no matter our filth.


Just hold on to the promises (hold tight)
Hold on to the promises (all right)
Jesus is alive, so hold tight
Hold on to the promises


If we are going to survive this life, we need to hold onto the promises God has made to us.  The promise that I have a hard time really grasping and am trying to constantly remind myself is

...“I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
-Hebrews 13:5

Many people in my life have ditched me.  I'm often afraid that one day I'll have no one left.  But even if that were to happen, God says, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."  So even if everyone left me, I still have the all mighty God in my corner.

If you feel abandoned by God, you're not alone.  Many of us feel this way, but our feelings are lying to us.  He is always with us, no matter how far away he seems.  He's here with us - fighting this battle with us.  So let's hold on to the promises he has made to us.  We will get through this!


Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Where Are You?

Where are you?
I can't find you near me.
I'm engulfed in darkness....and I can't see your light....
I'm tearing myself apart, yet you are not here to stop me.....

Where are you?
You promised you'd always be there for me!
You promised you would never leave me nor forsake me.
But you are nowhere near me....

Where are you?
I feel so alone....no one understands me!
I keep getting sicker....yet you are not here to heal me....
I destroy my body, but you do not stop me....

Where are you?
I'm ready to disappear forever, yet every time I try you stop me.
Do you think it's funny how I suffer?
Are you entertained with me losing this fight?

Where are you?
I'm drowning in a sea of sorrow.
I'm broken and beyond repair.
Yet you are nowhere to be seen....

Where are you?
I can't find you!
You've left me all alone!
I can't keep going on like this!

...................................................
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I see it!
The light, it's near your children.
You're with them, I see you.
Could it be you're with me too?

Where are you?
Right here with me through the darkness.