Gravity

Here are the lyrics to Gravity by Papa Roach:

I was there on the day truth died
Blood on my hands, throw them up in the sky
I was a number one sinner no less
My life was a lie and my wish was a death
I fell in love with the ways of the world
Money and the fame, the booze and the girls
But I couldn't stay faithful if I tried
I'd turn into a devil you could see it in my eyes
I blacked out, told you everything I ever did
I couldn't take all the lies I was living with
I broke your heart, broke up the next day
My bags outside yelling get the hell away
You're not a husband, not a father just a pig
And you can never change all the things that you did
That's when I knew it, it wouldn't last
You'll never get away when you're running from the past

And we fly...
Fly into outer space
I float away but you're my gravity
Die to love another day
We rise again and lose our gravity

I'm a broken man, I'm full of sin
I'm sick of all this hell that I'm livin' in
I can't escape it – this is how it feels
When you try to numb the pain with a thousand pills
You tore me down and wished that I was dead
Said you wanna sleep alone in another bed
But when I push you away, you only pull me closer
It's only over when we both wanna say it's over
I gotta change – this is not who I am
I wanna start over, wanna try this again
You're everything I need, everything I'm not
So pull the trigger give me one more shot

And we fly...
Fly into outer space
I float away but you're my gravity
Die to love another day
We rise again and lose our gravity

You love me You hate me
You kiss me You break me
You lifted me up just to watch as you dropped me
You promised me – looked me straight in the eyes
No matter what you say – I don't know the truth from the lies
I held you up like I always do
I forgave you for your sins and I carried you through
No matter how hard we fall
We always knew
You will bleed for me, and I will bleed for you

And we fly...
Fly into outer space
I float away but you're my gravity
Die to love another day
We rise again and lose our gravity

And we fly...
Fly into outer space
I float away but you're my gravity
Die to love another day
We rise again and lose our gravity

And we fly...
Fly into outer space
I float away but you're my gravity
Die to love another day
We rise again and lose our gravity

Baby we can float away 

I've been feeling this song lately.   I consider myself one of the worst of sinners.  My life is a lie.  I come across to people as someone happy and put together....but that's not the truth.  The true me is broken, in agony, and I just wish I could disappear and never come back.  I used to trust people....I was too trusting.  For the most part I'm an open book, but there are some things I keep private.  There was one friend, who pretty much knew everything about me.  I told them everything.  I trusted them.  But I was wrong to trust them.  As much as I want to runaway from the past though, it always catches up with me.  God continually makes me face them and my problems.

I'm sick of the way I'm living.  But I can never escape it.  I've cut myself, overdosed, burned myself, tried to expose a vein, all ways trying to escape.  But I always survive, and I always have to face things again.  All because I was betrayed.  I want to start things over, but I'll never be able to.  I have to move on, whether I like it or not. 

This friend who turned on me, for a while they made me feel important, special.  I thought I had something I had wanted for a long time.  But they broke me.  They lied to me, and now I can't tell what is true and what is a lie.  I forgave them again and again, no matter how many times they abused me I kept forgiving them and let them walk all over me. 

I try to move on with my life, but the memories of this person keep pulling me down like gravity.  Some day, I'll move on.  I will probably never forget them, but some day I won't be crippled by this anymore.

The Battle With the Sister Monsters

This is part 3 of my creative writing story I did last year.


I saw people all around me....stuck in prisons similar to the one I was in.  The doors were opened in these prisons and I tried to show the people "You are free!  I was once just like you, but I was set free by the King's Son.  He has set you free too!  If you come with me, I will take you to him and the King!"  But the people refuse to come with me.  Instead they stay in the prisons.  The chains came undone but some of them try to put the chains back on.  Some of them have fallen in love with the dungeon masters.  I cannot believe my eyes!  They refuse freedom!  Some of them call me insane, saying it is better to be a prisoner than to be  exposed in the light.  I see the dungeon masters laughing at me.  They snicker in the background, "You'll never get them to follow the King, they've come to love the dungeons so much they've forgotten their death sentence!"  I grip onto my sword tightly, ready to attack the dungeon masters, but I hear a voice that sounds like the King's Son say, "No, he's mine to deal with!  You are to reach the prisoners and if those beneath the dungeon masters come, you may fight them.  I will help you fight them.  But leave the dungeon masters to me."  Drops of sweat begin to fall from my face, "Why?  He's in my range!  If you are with me surely I can take him!  Surely these people will want to be free if they see the dungeon masters are gone!"  The King's Son's voice responds, "No, they will stay put in their prison cells.  They refuse to come to me on their own free will.  In due time, I will destroy the dungeon masters, but it is not time yet.  But I will protect you from them."
"If the people are going to just refuse you, why do you want me to reach out to them still?"
"Because I still love them and I want to give them every chance they can get before it's too late."
Suddenly, creatures came in the dungeon.  They were beautiful and I couldn't take my eyes off of them.  They were alluring and tempting me.  I started to lower my guard.  It was as if I had been in a trance by these beautiful creatures.  One of them started taking off my armor.  I sat there in a daze.  In my mind I was screaming, "What are you doing?!  Get up!!  Don't let them do this to you!"  But my body wouldn't move, it was as if they had cast a spell on me and I was paralyzed.  But as soon as they touched my sword, my sword reacted.  My sword began to glow and even shake.  Suddenly my eyes were opened and I saw what these creatures really were - monsters!  Suddenly my armor gravitated back onto me and the creatures began to shreik.  It was as if they didn't expect me to awaken from my daze they put me in from their beauty.  I held onto my sword and smirked, "You thought you could tempt me with your lust?  Well it appears the King has different plans!"  I charged after the creatures with my sword and they were terrified!  They shreiked trying to get away.  I grabbed one of them by their long hair and stabbed them in the back with my sword.  As the other one tried to attack me from behind, I heard a voice say, "Behind you!"  I turned around and used my shield and protected myself from the blast.  It started charging for another blast as I started charging towards it again, "You won't take advantage of me again!"  I jumped up in the air as soon as it released the blast.  It looked up at me as if in slow-motion and I looked at it with a smirk on my face, "It's over!"  I landed on top of the monster and stabbed it just like its sister.  The two monsters were defeated.  The sword stopped shaking and glowing.  I wiped the sweat off my face and I returned to where the people were in the prisons of the dungeon.  I begged them to come with me, but even after defeating the two monsters, they refused.  I realized it was useless at this particular dungeon at the moment.  "Perhaps I will have to come back another time.  Perhaps then they will be more open to listen."  I wiped the dust off my shoes and left sullen, but determined.  "I won't let you down my King!"