Monday, August 7, 2017


I have very severe anxiety, and lately it's been getting worse.  A lot of stuff has been going on (been having to deal with a lot of death for the past two years).  I have VERY poor coping skills, though I am learning good ones - I just have to find the one that works for me (cutting is NOT an option).  My anxiety has not only affected me mentally, but physically as well.  I have chest pains and breathing issues.  I am also trying to learn how to grieve (in a healthy way).  Even though I've never felt this way for other people, I feel like whenever I cry, I feel weak, and when I feel weak, I want to cut; so I don't allow myself to cry.  When I don't cry though, I've taken a piece of humanity out of me.  So now I have to learn how to cry again, but in a healthy way.  My psychiatrist said I have to find a new psychiatrist because he can't give me anything for my anxiety.

Anyway, last week I did a Bible Study on the YouVersion app on anxiety.  It was for five days, and one of the days was about 1 Peter 5:7

Casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.

Sometimes I think that we think, "My problem is so simple, God's not going to care compared to what others are going through."  I've had that thought MANY times.  Why would God care about my anxieties?  There are people who have things FAR worse than me, so why would my little worries be important to Him?  He DOES care though - so much.  He cares about the big things and the little things.  He cares for you.  This is huge for me.  I have abandonment issues, and a lot of people who meant a lot to me have left me, and I don't mean just went separate ways, I mean it got REALLY ugly.  I'm constantly afraid people I care about are going to leave me, even if there's no evidence they're going to.  I didn't see the evidence with the other people who left me, and look what happened!  Even if no one cared about me and left me though, God still cares.  People are temporary but He is forever.

Give your anxieties to God.  I know that doesn't make much sense; I mean, how do you even do that? Well, you pray about it, and then you leave it.  You don't dwell on it.  I know how difficult this can be though.  I'm constantly dwelling on my problems (as well as other people's problems).  When you're really worried about something, it's hard to let it go.  We need to give it to God though, and then leave it in His hands.  We may not understand His ways, we may not know how it'll get resolved, but it will - even if we don't like the results.

I think one of the reasons I've had such a difficult time dealing with my anxiety is I haven't really been reflecting on what I'm thankful for lately.  When I was doing that, my attitude was changing and things that used to bother me didn't anymore.  But I got sick for six weeks and I had stopped reflecting on things I'm thankful for.  It's taken me down a dark spiral again.  I'm starting to do it again though.  So hopefully that, and if we can find a new psychiatrist who can give me something for my anxiety (even if it's temporary), I think I'll do much better.  Until then, I've got to keep giving my anxieties to God.  He'll do something about them, and even if I don't like how he deals with them, I know it's what's best.

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