Wednesday, August 12, 2015


In an earlier post I discussed about scars and how one of my struggles has been cutting ( ).  This time is another dark topic that I think needs to be discussed more: suicide.  It's been one year since actor Robin Williams killed himself.  A lot of people struggle with suicide idealization.  It begins with a defeatist attitude, then an entrapment feeling.  Then you have what's called BOD (Better Off Dead) feelings.  Eventually you start imagining different scenarios of you killing yourself.  Then you start making plans.  Then BAM!  It happens, and it effects everyone you know like a ton of bricks.  If you die you might be out of your pain but you've transferred that pain to everyone else who knows you.  Those people ask themselves, "Why did they do that?  Was it because of me?  Could I have done something to stop them?"

As someone who has tried to kill myself twice, I understand the struggle.  People say suicide is selfish and ultimately it is.  But the person who is suicidal, they're not thinking they are being selfish.  They think they are doing everyone a big favor.  In their mind it's not just getting rid of the pain for themselves, they seem themselves as the embodiment of pain and they cause that pain for others.  So in their minds they think if they're gone, the pain is not only gone for them, but the pain they cause for others is gone as well.  But this is just not the case.  Those who are successful cause a lot of grief for their loved ones they leave behind, more so than if they died in any other way.  People are left with unanswered questions and guilt.  Even as a survivor of suicide I've seen it with others faces, "Did you do this because of me?  Could I have stopped you?"

If you are suicidal, get help, call the suicide hotline 1 (800) 273-8255.  Life is precious.  Nothing is worth killing yourself over.  You may say, "You don't know what I'm going through."  I know sometimes life sucks, but we have to keep moving.  It's like what Rocky Balboa says, "The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!"  We've gotta be winners in this life and by doing that is not being a coward and quitting early.  We've gotta finish this fight no matter how many hits we have to take and we have to finish it to the end!

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