Monday, August 3, 2015


Scars, we all have them.  Physical, emotional, mental, they're there.  If you don't have them, you'll eventually get them one way.  Scars effect us all differently.  I struggle with self-harm (I haven't done it for a few months though so that's improvement).  Most of my physical scars don't actually come from self-harming though.  I do not recommend this to anyone.  I got into cutting in the 9th grade after one of my best friends turned on me.  I had to change schools because the students didn't like me and my best friend was the only friend I had after I had moved states.  After he turned on me I had no one left at that school.  I went back to being homeschooled and my therapist at the time put me on a medication that caused a bad reaction.  It got me thinking weird things and I got even more depressed than I already was and that was what led me to start cutting.  I stopped for a couple years, then got back into it.  It's like a drug.  Once you start it's hard to quit.  I eventually started doing other self-harming techniques such as burning myself in the shower.  But the main one I went to was cutting.  I've only gotten one scar from cutting.  But any kind of self-harming is dangerous.  You shouldn't do it.  I don't want to do it anymore.  People think it's trying to seek attention, and that may be for some people, but I don't think that's how it is for the majority of people.  I know for me, I do it to release tension.  I'm so tense and so stressed I feel like it's the only thing I have to do or I'm going to try to kill myself.  After I cut my emotions feel numb....I feel nothing, and sometimes, that's the best feeling to have because I get overwhelmed with some of the worst emotions.  But after I cut myself, I realize, "Crap, people are going to see (if it's in the summer since I cut my arms).  My husband's going to find out when he sees, so I'm going to have to explain to him what I did."  It really is like a drug, it's hard to quit.  That's why I've tried to quit before, and I've always come back to it.  Hopefully this time, I'll stop for good.  We (or at least for myself) do it because the physical pain is easier to deal with than the emotional pain.  But there are better ways to deal with this.  If you know someone who is self-harming or suspect someone who is self-harming, don't suspect they're doing it for attention.  They're most likely not.  They're in a lot of pain and they don't feel like they can rely on anyone to be there for them to help carry that burden for/with them.  They have to carry it themselves and they have to punish themselves for whatever reasons they have.  Make sure they know what they are doing is NOT OKAY.  They need to stop, but you want to help them and you're going to be there for them.  Depending on how bad it is, they may need to be hospitalized (depending on how deep the cuts are and even where).  I was hospitalized once for cutting, though it was because of insurance.  My cuts were never so bad that I needed to be hospitalized though.

This isn't just about self-harming though.  This is about all kinds of scars we get.  Some of us get deep scars even when you don't turn to self-harm (though that has just been my experience as a deeply scarred person).  Some people are scarred from divorce, others from a family or friend who betrayed you.  Perhaps you've been through some pretty traumatic experiences.  As someone with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) I do understand to an extent trauma.  I can't say I understand the same kind of trauma one experiences in war or rape, but I understand what it's like to have the nightmares at night, to constantly relive the nightmare you lived day by day.  It affects your life daily.  Forget a normal social life, your social life can often times be non-existent.  You would rather be locked away from the world and safe than have to face a world where you could face your trauma all over again.

Scars, they effect us all differently.  Some lock themselves away from the world.  Some self-harm.  If you are dealing with scars or open wounds, something that has been comforting me a lot has been Psalm 34:18

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

He is close to us when we are brokenhearted, and saves us when we are crushed in spirit.  When we feel like we are drowning in a sea of sorrow he walks on the water and pulls us up.  When we feel like we're falling into a pit of despair, he rescues us.  He's right there with us through it all.  But we've got to let him do his thing too.  We don't realize it, but we often don't allow him to rescue us.  We would rather keep drowning or falling instead of being rescued.  But he WANTS to rescue us!  Jesus said

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."
- Matthew 5:4

He wants to bless us.  He wants to comfort us.  We have to let him though.  We can't be so into our pain that we won't let him heal us.  We have to let him heal us.  Only then, will our healing begin.

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