Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Something to Live for

"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain."
- Philippians 1:21

Lately I've been struggling with thinking about what I really have to live for.  I'm not suicidal, but I haven't really felt like I've had much to live for.  Ive just been so depressed and as much as I fight it, I often let it control me.  It beats me up until I just have no more fight left.  I'll admit, I've been sort of lax when it comes to reading my Bible lately, so I need to get back into doing that.  I went on BibleGateway yesterday as a lame excuse to look up some random verse as a way of saying "I read my Bible today" because I was too lazy to open my backpack to get my Bible out, when I came across their verse of the day, which was Philippians 1:21.  It was spot on what I needed to hear.  To LIVE is Christ, and to die is gain.  After my second suicide attempt, I had a third chance in life and I wanted to live for God, not just exist but really LIVE.  I really want that again.  I want that reason to live again.  I don't want to just exist and be a ghost in society.  I want to live for Christ, and when it's time for me to die, it will make it that much more worth it because I will have lived a life that was worth living.  Anyway that's what I was thinking....

1 comment:

  1. Hon. I know you could say there's some self-serving in here, and I won't deny I benefit from it, but instead of waiting until you feel like it, just do the things that you were doing back then. Tell your feelings to take a back seat for now. They have no real basis in reality and you deserve better and not only that, you're giving better to the people around you who love you the most and who want to be loved by you.

    You can change it all today. Instead of waiting to feel, simply choose to do. You wrote a great blog post on laziness and gluttony so now one question needs to be asked.

    Are you doing what you said you would do?