I've gone nine months without cutting! Most of my scars on my arms are actually fading quite nicely. It's actually kinda hard to notice them! I've also decided to start working out and working on my diet. I've gone a week (not perfectly) working on this and on Sunday I weighed myself and in two months I had lost 9 pounds! Unfortunately, I was stupid and baked lemon bars and after having two yesterday, I weighed myself this morning to see how bad it was....I gained 3 pounds in one day?! It was pretty discouraging. It's really hard for me to lose weight. Some of my medications contribute to weight gain and there's nothing I can do about that. But it just means I may have to work harder than "normal" people. I've been trying to walk on the treadmill for thirty minutes every day. I'm also trying to eat the bare minimum (for breakfast and dinner I have to have at least 300 calories for my medication). I try to eat "healthier" snacks during the day too, but I only eat them when I feel like I absolutely HAVE to. After finding out I gained 3 pounds in one day, I've pretty much told myself "NO deserts until I lose enough weight and can maintain the healthy weight!"
I've also found out since yesterday that I'm apparently dairy intolerant. I knew I was lactose intolerant, but it looks like I'm also dairy intolerant. This means I have to take even MORE medicine! I have to cook my eggs differently now too. I can't cook it in butter anymore, I have to use live oil instead. The taste is still the same or really close, the difference is cooking eggs in butter make them a little more fluffy, and cooking them in olive oil makes them a bit greasy.
I have arthritis in my knees and the more I work out, the more my knees feel like they're going to fall off. Sometimes I work out until the pain goes away and I just feel numb.
You may be wondering what's made me so determined to work out and work on my dieting. If you know me, you know I tend to burn out really quickly. I'm good for about two or three weeks and then I completely burn out. There's still a chance that will happen this time too. But you see, I really want to go back to Anime Weekend Atlanta next year and there's a costume I'm wanting to wear there (which I'm hoping I will get for Christmas). Unfortunately, the biggest size I could find on Amazon is one dress size smaller than me. I'm a 3X and the costume is a 2X. I'm determined to get in that costume though. While losing 140 pounds seems so impossible to me, going down one dress size in a year feels somewhat doable. I'm hoping this week or next week I can get past 286. 286 lbs seem to be the lowest I've been able to get down to, but that was when I was trying to work on dieting without exercising. Now that I'm adding exercising, I'm hoping I can get past 286. Even going down to 285 would be a really big encouragement for me because that would tell me "I can do this!"
I've been really upset over this election. I've lost so many friends, had my Christianity questioned, had my intelligence questioned, and had my character attacked over this stupid thing just because I voted for Trump! This is ridiculous! So the next election that happens, I'm not going to post anything political anymore because it's so stupid. I'll just keep who I'm voting for to myself (and my family). It's really effected me terribly. I even lost one of my best friends for many years to politics! You have no idea how much this has pissed me off and really hurt me. But I'm not going to rant over it. That's not what this blog is about.
That's about all I can think of for an update. My depression has its ups and downs. Sometimes I have okay days, and sometimes I have really low days. I've just got to survive. As much as I want to thrive, if I never do then oh well, I've just got to at least survive.
Here's a funny video to lift the mood :)
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