Some things have been going on lately I can't get into, but I will tell you this, I'm done running away from my problems. I'm done cowering with my tail between my legs like a dog. No matter the punches life seems to be throwing at me, I'm done letting them beat me to the point where it kills me. Well, I'm going to fight for my life, and if it kills me in the end at least I went down fighting. I know I can't fight this on my own though, but I know I don't have to fight it alone. Christ helps me when I fall down. He pulls me back up to my feet. He's not going to let me go down permanently, He's going to help me fight in this war. I may lose some battles along the way, but I WILL NOT lose the war. I am going to be taking even more of an effort in getting healthier physically and mentally. I won't continue to let life cripple me. It's time to put on my big girl panties (as my 69-year-old neighbor tells me)! Every time I fall, I will get back up. It's time to reclaim my life; It's time to reclaim my home! With Christ on my side, I can't be defeated!
"....If God is for us, who can ever be against us?" - Romans 8:31
Does Satan want to see me go down? He wouldn't love anything more than to do that (well, other than try to take God's throne I guess would be an exception). He wants Christ's followers to runaway from God. He wants them to be crippled, to the point where it kills them. He wants to DESTROY us! But we can't let him win! We have to fight for our lives! Christ already fights for our souls. But He will help us fight for our lives too!
So no more, I will not be crippled anymore. Considering suicide isn't even an option anymore. I have to fight this! If the Creator is fighting on my side, how could I possibly lose? No, if I lose, it's because it was my choice to let life kill me. So I have to keep dying to myself every day; die to my desires of escaping. No more fleeing, I'm going to fight! Instead of running away I'm going to rush into battle!
There was a shooting last year at a gay nightclub (I think?) in Florida, and they said when there was shooting, while people were running away, the cops were running INTO the action! I'm not running away anymore, I'm going to run into the action and fight! I always wanted to join the Army, but couldn't because of meds and now because of my brain injury and mental health issues (though I don't think I could handle boot camp at my weight now lol). But this is even more important than joining the military (don't get me wrong, that's important too). The fight for our souls is an even bigger war, and it's an invisible war. We don't see our enemies (generally speaking anyway), but they certainly want to kill us. The thing is, if we belong to Christ, they can't kill us, physically that is. They may not be afraid of us, but they're afraid of the one who's on our side. But they can kill us in other ways - if we let them. On our own we CANNOT win. We will lose on our own power. But with Christ, we can conquer - we can win! We are warriors, but which side are you on? The enemy knows in the end they will lose, that's why they're so afraid of the One on our side! So they want to do as much damage as possible before then. Their destiny has already been decided. They are destined to LOSE. But those of us in Christ are destined to WIN! Let's fight this war together, supporting each other, not tearing each other down. We WILL BE VICTORIOUS!!!!