For the leader. A psalm of David:
How blessed are those who care for the poor!
When calamity comes, ADONAI will save them.
ADONAI will preserve them, keep them alive,
and make them happy in the land.
You will not hand them over
to the whims of their enemies.
ADONAI sustains them on their sickbed;
when they lie ill, you make them recover.
I said, "ADONAI, have pity on me!
Heal me, for I have sinned against you!"
My enemies say the worst about me:
"When will he die and his name disappear?"
When they come to see me they speak insincerely,
their hearts meanwhile gather falsehoods;
then they go our and spread bad reports.
All who hate me whisper together against me,
imagining the worst about me.
"A fatal disease has attached itself to him;
now that he lies ill, he will never get up."
Even my close friend, on whom I relied,
who shared my table, has turned against me.
But you, ADONAI, have pity on me,
put me on my feet, so I can pay them back.
I will know you are pleased with me
if my enemy doesn't defeat me.
You uphold me because of my innocence
you establish me in your presence forever.
Blessed be ADONAI the God of Isra'el
from eternity past to eternity future.
I read this last night and it made me think of what's been going on with me for the past year. Some of my closest friends turned against me. People I trusted a lot. I've been very sick and when they turned on me I got sicker. I'm not innocent in the matter, I have part to blame in the matter I will admit. But I've asked for forgiveness already. Whether they actually forgave me I don't know but I've done all I could do. I've asked God to forgive me as well. I know He at least forgives me. I've asked God to have pity on me so many times. I've told Him, "I can't handle much more of this! You've gotta help me before it's too late!" I even wonder at times those who have left me, would they even care if I took my own life. Would they feel bad for causing my sickness to get worse? Or would they be like, "Good riddance!"
God will heal me some day though, whether that day is in this life or in the next. Some day I won't be sick anymore. God sees the things people have done to me and will avenge me for it. I have to focus on the things God has blessed me with instead of the things I no longer have anymore. He has the power to give and take away. So I need to be happy with what I have now, not focus on what's gone.