This is a sort of update entry. I went one week without cutting, then I cut one time. I was going to cut again last week but the scissors were too dull to cut anymore. So I've gone a week without actually cutting again. Since I don't have anything to cut myself anymore (my husband refuses to get new scissors) I'm hoping I'll be able to make yet another week without cutting. I'm hoping I won't get too desperate and do something like break glass to cut. I've been getting suicidal lately. But when I start really feeling that way I talk to someone first so I don't start making plans. To calm down I guess.
I got in the mail today a bracelet from an anonymous sender. It's a self-injury support bracelet. It came with a couple encouragement cards like "Going one day is progress" or something like that. I got a card and letter from one of my aunts today too that was encouraging. Getting these things have encouraged me a lot and makes me want to stop cutting even more. I really want to quit, though sometimes it feels like I'll never quit. But I'm determined to quit. Every time I do it I feel like I'm letting people down who are praying for me. In reality I'm not just letting them down, I'm letting God down and I'm letting myself down. I've got to quit.
Thanks to everyone who's been supporting me. I really appreciate it and I'm trying really hard to quit cutting. I know it's going to be a long road because I don't really know how to cope. I've learned some other coping skills, though they don't seem to really help me. But I'm going to keep trying until I can find a healthy way to cope that works for me. Please continue to pray for me. Thank you.