Wednesday, February 3, 2016

I'm With Meg

A friend of mine named Meg had a long battle with cancer and NF (  She was one of the sweetest people I knew.  She was always positive and a fighter.  She loved children.  I knew her when I used to live in Virginia Beach.  We went to the same church.  After I moved I hadn't talked to her until I got Facebook.  Sometimes she would send me encouragement and that would lift me up.  She had a beautiful spirit.  I remember a picture she had on Facebook of her wearing a pink wig and I just laughed.  She liked having fun.

Yesterday, at 2pm, she passed away.  I didn't find out until last night.  Even though I hadn't seen her since I was in the 8th grade and hadn't talked to her in a while, it hit like a brick wall.  Another person I cared about lost the battle to cancer.  Everyone I've known who's had cancer has lost the battle except for one person and another person who's going through the battle right now.  I thought, "Why did Meg have to go?  She's such a great person.  I do nothing to contribute to society, I've tried to end my life three times, and yet I'm still here."  The weird thing is, even though Meg was a friend of mine, she was more of my mom's friend than mine and yet I was more emotional about it than my mom.  Maybe it's because I don't deal with death well.  Or maybe it's because it's a side of feeling overwhelming emotions that comes from having Borderline Personality Disorder.

The ironic part of this is I'm actually going to a talk at my church tonight about how to talk to someone who has lost someone through death.  It's often quite awkward I think because we really don't know what to say.  Meg was a strong believer in Christ so I know she's in Jesus' arms now; she's no longer suffering, but if I said that to her family it wouldn't comfort them.  I mean, it doesn't even comfort me!  It's like, "okay, yes she's no longer suffering but I want her here still.  I still want to be able to talk to her.  Why couldn't God just heal her?"  That's me, I can't imagine what her family must be going through or thinking now.  Because we don't know what to say, we usually say, "I'm sorry for your loss."  Is there really much more we can say?  I guess I'll find out tonight at the talk my church is giving.

I can be happy for her for where she's at now.  I can be happy for her that she's no longer in pain.  But it's still hard to think that she's not here anymore.  I can't make it to her funeral because of expenses.  But I look forward to the day I get to see her again.  My husband wrote on his blog about dealing with death today too if you want to read it (  Meg, I'll always remember you, I look forward to seeing you again some day.  #imwithmeg

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