Through All of It

I tried to cut myself yesterday after experiencing a loss to someone dear to me, but my husband caught me after I made a few scratches.  I regret doing this because I know there are better ways to deal with stress, it just seems like I always go to self-destruction instead.  I've been listening to this Colton Dixon song last night and this morning.  I really feel like I relate to it.  Here are the lyrics:

There are days I've taken more than I can give
And there are choices that I made
That I wouldn't make again
I've had my share of laughter
Of tears and troubled times
This is has been the story of my life

I have won and I have lost
I got it right sometimes
But sometimes I did not
Life's been a journey
I've seen joy, I've seen regret
Oh and You have been my God
Through all of it

You were there when it all came down on me
And I was blinded by my fear
And I struggled to believe
But in those unclear moments
You were the one keeping me strong
This is how my story's always gone

I have won and I have lost
I got it right sometimes
But sometimes I did not
Life's been a journey
I've seen joy, I've seen regret
Oh and You have been my God
Through all of it
Through all of it

And this is who You are
More constant than the stars up in the sky
All these years of our lives
I, I look back and I see You
Right now I still do
And I'm always going to

I have won and I have lost
I got it right sometimes
But sometimes I did not
Life's been a journey
I've seen joy
I've seen regret
Oh and You have been my God
Through all of it
Oh and You have been my God
Through all of it
Oh and You have been my God
Through all of it 

 There are some days that are good, and there are some days that are so hard I can barely even breathe.  I've made choices that I regret, choices that have cost me greatly.  God has always been there for me.  Through the good and through the bad.  Even when I didn't think he was there, he was.  From the times I've been filled with joy to the times I was curled up in a fetus position crying my eyes out.  Life has really been a journey, a very long stressful journey.  I'm climbing up a mountain that seems impossible to reach the the top.  But God has been there through all of it. 

This is who God is, he never leaves me nor forsakes me.  I look back at the times I've struggled the most and I see how God was there for me.  Every time I've tried to kill myself he has either stopped me or saved me.    I know God is with me through this difficult time, even if I don't feel him here with me.  He's always going to be with me no matter what.