I'm not going to get into detail what's been going on, but my husband and I have been fighting over me dieting. I've been really depressed lately and frankly I just don't want to deal with the failures of dieting right now. I've always gone to food for comfort, people fail me and I fail people. My cat I think has PTSD and runs away from me or claws at me when I try to cuddle with him. But for years food has been my comfort. For years I have tried to diet but have failed miserably. At this point in my life I'm tired of trying to anymore. I'm too depressed with what's going on in my life right now and dealing with more failure on my part is not something I want to deal with.
I've been dealing with losing relationships, which I know is part of life, but I'm losing close friends and that's been really hard on me. So I've basically been eating my heart out. I just keep eating and eating. My stomach seems to be a bottomless pit. I'm constantly hungry. My husband who is never hungry and is skinny as a telephone pole gets frustrated with me and is worried I'm going to die young. I tell him I'm not, but at the same time, I think, "Would it really matter if I died young?" I'm not suicidal, but I'm so depressed that it doesn't matter to me if I died because of my weight. It's not the way I want to go, it's not very dignified, but it doesn't matter to me anymore. Frankly, the way I want to go, I don't feel I deserve.
With some of our friends Ive recently had to let go, without getting into too much detail they were involved in sexual sin. Now I would normally not let someone go because of that but because they were Christians and I confronted them about what they were doing and they refused to change, I wasn't sure what to do. After getting advice from some friends and family and taking a look at what Paul had to say about it (I Corinthians 5:11-13). I needed to stop communicating with them until they've repented for their sexual sin. This was very hard for me since they were very close to me.
Why do I bring this up when I'm talking about dieting? Well, today I realized something. I've stopped communicating with friends because of a sin they're doing and refuse to repent of, but I'm doing the exact same thing! NOT the same sin, but sinning and being unrepentant about it! Now, not all sin is the same, I encourage you to read my friend's blog entry about that (
http://www.reasonablefaithknoxville.org/2015/07/24/judge-not-lest-ye-be-judged/) But even with sins not being the same, I have been doing two sins and been unrepentant of them. Laziness because I spend most of my days sleeping because of this depression, and gluttony because I keep eating and eating. I haven't even cared about how it's affected other people around me who worry about me. I've only been concerned with myself, how I feel. So no matter how miserable I feel, I'm going to start getting up more and less sleeping during the day. I'm going to try to diet again no matter how many times I fail.
I Corinthians 6:19 -
Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who
lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself,
I need to treat my body like a temple. Instead of stuffing it with food until I puke (like I did today) I need to be healthy. This doesn't mean I'm not going to struggle. I'm sure as hell going to struggle still. But I'm not going to let gluttony and laziness control me anymore. It's time I take control of my life again. If I love God, I need to treat the body he gave me with respect. I only get one after all. Those who know me, please keep me accountable. If I start giving up remind me what I've said. I need to not be a hypocrite!
* 11 But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who
bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or
greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat
with such a one. 12 For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? 13 God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.” - I Corinthians 5:11-13