Return to My First Love

 Hi, I’m sorta single....or in the process of it again. I’m 30 years old and married at 19. I married for all the wrong reasons.....things have not worked out and I have been separated since August and am in the process of getting divorced. I’ve learned a lot about myself in all this. For one thing, I found out I’m demisexual, which means I’m sexually attracted to those I have a strong emotional bond with. My husband and I did not have this. I never felt connected to him. I honestly felt forced into the marriage, however that’s another story.

I became a Christian at 14, and over the years I’ve dealt with a lot of traumas. I had a fire for God before I started college, after I started college and I started dating this manipulative and abusive guy (the guy before my husband), my fire started to dwindle. Over time that fire dwindled more and more....and I kept wanting it to come back.....but it was fading more.....I’ve struggled with my faith for many years.....with the trials of life tossing me in the sea back and forth violently. Life has not been kind to me. However, I’m grateful for my trials. They shape me into a stronger person, and I know somewhere out there, there is someone who will love me. Someone who will respect me. Someone we can serve the kingdom of God together. Now that I’m single again, that fire has returned and I’m so happy about it! I want to serve God with my life until everything in me is spent. Some day I will find someone who will want to do that with me.....we will fight the forces of darkness together, we’ll be Bonnie and Clyde but for the kingdom of Light! I still have my struggles, however God continues to bless me and strengthen me. My confidence doesn’t come from who I’m with, but in Christ. He values me more than anyone ever could, and He is my first love. My loneliness caused me to lose sight of my first love.....but I’ve returned to Him :) that’s my story anyway ^_^