Thy Will

I was going to write about my friend Bud who died a couple weeks ago but I'm going to do that tomorrow.  Today was Steve's funeral, he died last week.  One of the songs at the funeral was "Thy Will" by Hilary Scott.  I decided while it's fresh in my mind I'd go ahead and write about it tonight.

I'm so confused
I know I heard you loud and clear
So, I followed through
Somehow I ended up here
I don't wanna think
I may never understand
That my broken heart is a part of your plan
When I try to pray
All I've got is hurt and these four words

Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done

I know you're good
But this don't feel good right now
And I know you think
Of things I could never think about
It's hard to count it all joy
Distracted by the noise
Just trying to make sense
Of all your promises
Sometimes I gotta stop
Remember that you're God
And I am not
So

Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will

I know you see me
I know you hear me, Lord
Your plans are for me
Goodness you have in store
I know you hear me
I know you see me, Lord
Your plans are for me
Good news you have in store

So, thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
I know you see me
I know you hear me, Lord

This has been a very difficult few weeks for me.  Last year was very difficult and in February my husband and I had to move.  Part of the reason we had to move was to get away from some people who were making our lives miserable.  Since we've moved I've been trying to heal.

I don't always understand why I've had to go through the things I've gone through (I'm not claiming what I've been through is worse than anyone else).  Most of the time I'm left in the dark wondering why I am or did go through something difficult.  My heart is very fragile and breaks very easily.  I get hurt very easily.

I know God is good, but in the hardest moments it can be difficult to remember that.  I think of my friend Mickey - Steve's wife, and I ask "God, why are you making her go through such a devastating loss?  I know you're good, and everything we go through is a part of your plan in making us grow closer to you.  But why must you make people suffer so much?"  

When we go through tribulations, that's when we need to just throw our hands up and say, "God, your will be done.  Not my will, but your will be done."  He understands our pain and suffering.  Sometimes he relieves us from it, sometimes it's not until we meet with him.  Steve is no longer suffering from cancer now that he's with Christ, but those of us he leaves behind, especially his wife and mother, there is a hole in our hearts from the loss.  Somehow, this will all be used for good.