Heavy

Here's how I'm feeling....


* Trapped
* Stuck
* Empty
* Heavy Burdened
* Worthless
* Everything is Pointless
* A Burden for Everyone
* Giving Up
* Depressed
* Paranoid
* Tired
* Stressed
* Lonely
* Sick



I don't really know how I'm going to get past all this, or even if I'm going to get past them.  I'm trying to hold on, I'm trying to fight for my life, but I feel it's a losing fight.  I just want it all to end - all the pain.  I'm tired of feeling the list above.  I just want some relief.  Is it so much to ask for?  I feel like God has turned away from me, though I know He hasn't.  It's as if he doesn't hear my cries for help, or see the tears I cry.  Every. Single. Day.  My life is a wreck.  I'm a prisoner in my head.  It's a dark place to be, and if I'm left there alone for too long, I won't make it.  Yet I can't seem to be able to get out of my head.  I don't know what I'm going to do.  I feel like I'm going to have to wear a mask because no one can handle me anymore.  I guess all I can do is keep fighting....no matter how weak I feel.

God have mercy on me....