Sad But True

One of my favorite Metallica songs is "Sad But True."

Hey (hey)
I'm your life
I'm the one who takes you there
Hey (hey)
I'm your life
I'm the one who cares
They (they)
They betray
I'm your only true friend now
They (they)
They'll betray
I'm forever there

I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
Sad but true

I'm your dream, mind astray
I'm your eyes while you're away
I'm your pain while you repay
You know it's sad but true
Sad but true

You (you)
You're my mask
You're my cover, my shelter
You (you)
You're my mask
You're the one who's blamed
Do (do)
Do my work
Do my dirty work, scapegoat
Do (do)
Do my deeds
For you're the one who's shamed

I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
Sad but true

I'm your dream, mind astray
I'm your eyes while you're away
I'm your pain while you repay
You know it's sad but true
Sad but true

I'm your dream
I'm your eyes
I'm your pain

I'm your dream (I'm your dream)
I'm your eyes (I'm your eyes)
I'm your pain (I'm your pain)
You know it's sad but true

Hate (hate)
I'm your hate
I'm your hate when you want love
Pay (pay)
Pay the price
Pay, for nothing's fair

Hey (hey)
I'm your life
I'm the one who took you there
Hey (hey)
I'm your life
And I no longer care

I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
Sad but true

I'm your truth, telling lies
I'm your reason, alibis
I'm inside, open your eyes
I'm you

Sad but true 

There's a saying there's a little devil in all of us.  While I don't think this is to be taken literally (for some it may), it is something I've come to realize figuratively, it's pretty accurate.   This song comes to mind with the saying.  Some people look for the good in everyone, and I used to be one of those kinds of people.  But while there may be some good in everyone, there's evil in everyone too.  I no longer look for the good in everyone because I just get hurt and disappointed.  Now I expect the worst out of everyone, which isn't good either, but it's how I've become and it's something I have to deal with.

So how does this song relate to the saying "there's a little devil in all of us?"  The devil whispers sweet words to us like, "I'm your only friend.  I'm the only one who cares about you."  But in reality, he's come to destroy us, not care for us.  In reality he uses us for his dirty work.  We do his deeds.  He says nothing but lies to us.  Our flawed human nature serves him.  When we hate instead of love, we're serving him, not God. 

So how do we combat our nature that serves the devil?  It's very hard to because in this life, no matter how hard we try, we're never going to be perfect.  It's sort of defeating when you think about it.  But, we still try to do what is right.  How we do that is we have to go by Christ's example and be more like him.  Don't beat yourself up too much when you fail, but keep trying.  When you see the devil creeping in, resist him!  Tell him to buzz off!  Tell him he can't mess with you anymore!  As much as it doesn't seem like it, God always gives us a way out of temptation.  You need to find that out and not give in.

Face Everything and Rise

I've been listening to Papa Roach's song "Face Everything and Rise" from their new album F.E.A.R.

Face everything and rise
Face everything and rise

The streets crawl with a deadly omen
Outside I see a world that's broken
I can't breathe my heart is chokin'
I need a cure for this life I've chosen

My pain is a blessing in disguise
I feel it cutting and it's cutting like a knife
My pain, my pain is a blessing in disguise
I feel it cutting and it's cutting like a knife

I will face everything and rise
Never gonna quit until I die
Angels keep falling from the sky
I'll take the broken wings and learn to fly
I will face everything and rise

The earth shakes and the city's burning
But if feels like the tide is turning
Life hurts and there's no warning
Lightning strikes my heart is storming

The rain is a blessing in disguise
The flood's coming and it's drowning all the lies
The rain, the rain is a blessing in disguise
The flood's coming and it's drowning all the lie

I will face everything and rise
Never gonna quit until I die
Angels keep falling from the sky
I'll take the broken wings and learn to fly
I will face everything and rise

Throw me in the fire
But I'll never be the same
I come alive when I'm burning in the flames
I'm under fire
Finally wide awake
I am protected when I'm walking through the flames
Walking through the flames
Walking through the flames

I will face everything and rise
Never gonna quit until I die
Angels keep falling from the sky
I'll take the broken wings and learn to fly
I will face everything and rise

The pain, the pain is a blessing in disguise
Face everything and rise
The pain, the pain is a blessing in disguise
Face everything and rise 

I've been trying to escape all my problems for a long time.  I've made three attempts to kill myself (twice this year).  But it seems like God keeps saving me and forcing me to face my problems.   I try to focus on other people, but I can't seem to be able to.  I know people have things worse than me, but I can't handle other people's problems and my own problems at the same time.  I'm overwhelmed.  I'm starting my third week of DBT (again) tomorrow.  The first time I did it I learned different ways to deal with my problems....but I stopped doing them and became a mess.  So I'm doing DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) again and am solidifying what I learned.

Having PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) constantly puts me in flight mode.  I run from my problems, I run from people, I'm constantly running.  But I guess God wants me to stop running and dig my heels into the ground and face things head on.  I'm never going to get better if I keep running.  I'm always going to be a coward if I don't face them.  It's time to face the pain than running away from it.  I will rise out of the ashes and become a new person.