Easier to Run

It is always easier to runaway from our problems than to face them head on.  Facing our problems can be messy and challenging.  So what do we turn to?  We turn to worldly things so we can escape the darkness that engulfs us.  We turn to drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, codependency, etc.  We try to drown out our problems.  Those things can help temporarily; but in the long run, they make things worse.  We're so desperate to escape we'll practically sell our souls to the world.  It's not easy facing our problems head on.

I have talked about my mental health issues and addictions in my blog, but yesterday, I found out I have another addiction.  I went to a sleep specialist yesterday and she said I'm too dependent on sleeping pills.  I asked if she meant I was addicted to them and she said yes.  This was a hard pill to swallow - literally.  I've been taking sleeping pills since the sixth grade, and I've always taken them as prescribed (except I did overdose on them once - it was a suicide attempt though).  So she is taking me off the sleeping pills (she thinks I have sleep apnea).

This was difficult for me to hear; I have two other addictions (self-harm and binge eating) I'm working on, plus codependency; now I have this?  It seems like no matter how much I try to get better, no matter how much I try to fight the darkness inside me, something else comes up that adds to the darkness.  I've been ready to throw in the towel and just give up.  What's the point in fighting anymore?  I have NO fight left!

I have no fight left....but you know who does?  Jesus.  I can't fight this on my own, but he can!  He can heal the wounds.  He can help me carry my burdens.  He can help me with my addictions. 




The LORD himself will fight for you.  Just stay calm.

Exodus 14:14



I'm not facing these problems alone.  He is with me and will fight for me when I have no fight left. I just need to depend on him.  Alone, I am weak.  But he is strong (2 Corinthians 12:10).  In fact, the previous verse (2 Corinthians 12:9) says:


Each time he (God) said, "My grace is all you need.  My power works best in weakness...."



In our weakness, he is strong.  He fights for us.

It's easier to run from our problems (notice I didn't say it was easy) than to face them head on.  When we face them though, we become stronger.  Believe me, I want to run!  I'm often tempted to take the easier path.  I don't know anyone who is a bigger coward than I am.  When it comes to fight vs flight mode, I am ALWAYS in flight mode.  Lately I haven't even been arguing to defend myself with any accusations because I frankly don't have the energy to fight them anymore.  I have to depend on Christ to help me get through this though.

We all have our weaknesses, but let's face them together!

Being Silent

I'm very protective over my family and friends.  When someone goes after them, get out of the way because I'm a bull in a china shop!  I may not be very protective over myself, but I am to those I care about.

Recently, my husband and I have been watching a woman on YouTube.  She is CONSTANTLY saying how she's been having prophecy dreams of the rapture and "signs" (such as a song playing about flying away?).  She says she's not "setting dates," but then will set a date (like recently she said November 1-3 is when the "rapture" is supposed to happen).  I don't know why we watch her.  Anyway, her "predictions" are always wrong.  She even DEMANDS God to do stuff, which to my husband and me, is a very dangerous thing to do.

Anyway, my husband goes through her comments and will debate (he is a debater after all).  Without getting into too many details (because this has been going on since August), one thing led after another and she insulted him about being a terrible husband, is a Pharisee, and doesn't take care of the gifts he's been given - then blocked him.  When I heard this I was furious!  It didn't bother him at all, but to say such things about him greatly angers me.  I was like, "Who the heck does she think she is to say such things?!"  I was going to sleep on it and make a comment on her video, defending my husband's honor.  I did not sleep well (I never do, but it was worse than usual last night), but I prayed about it.  I wanted to go about it in love, but I was so angry I didn't know what to say.

Throughout the entire night, the verses that kept coming to mind was when Jesus was silent when the Pharisees question him.  He would not speak when they were throwing out false accusations.  He could've defended himself, but he chose to be silent.



Proverbs 11:12

He who despises his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding keeps silent.



Proverbs 10:19

When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise.



As much as I want to defend my husband's honor, I get the feeling that I need to be silent in this situation.  I hate it when Christians attack other Christians.  First off, they shouldn't be attacking anyone - period.  Debating is different than attacking.  You can debate and be cordial at the same time.  But attacking is completely different, and I've seen it WAY too many times where other "believers" attack each other.  We are supposed to be united together!  We are the body of Christ (1 Corinthians 12:27)!  How can an arm attack another arm?  How can a leg attack another leg?  This makes completely no sense to me.  On top of which, they PUBLICLY attack each other!  Disagreeing is one thing, but to attack someone is completely wrong!  It's unthinkable!  How can we show other people the love of Christ, when we can't even show it to each other?

I've had to learn to be silent though.  This doesn't mean I won't defend people - on the contrary!  I will defend those who cannot defend themselves!  But there is a time when it is wiser to be silent.  As much as I don't want to be silent, I know it's better for me to because what may come out of my mouth (or typing) could be really ugly and make matters worse.  I've been really working on holding my tongue, and though I do not do this perfectly, I think this is one of those times I need to be silent....