- Psalm 50:15
See, God has come to save me. I will trust in him and not be afraid. The LORD God is my strength and my song; he has given me victory.
- Isaiah 12:2
Lately, I've had some issues with my medication (for nearly a week). I don't get to see my dr about them until Friday. My emotions have been out of whack and my brain, don't even get me started on that wreck.
Anyway, when my meds aren't working, I have hallucinations, hear voices, a lot of paranoia, some delusions, and one time I got delirious. So, guess what's been going on with me? Most of the hallucinations I have involve either bugs or figures that look demonic. What's scarier with the demonic ones though is even after I see it, I don't know if it's real or not. You see, I have this test I do to see if it's real or not. If I see something, I'll look away for a minute, and then I look back. If it's gone, I figure it's a hallucination. This test is not foolproof though. I have a second test. My cat sleeps in the bedroom with my husband and me. If I see something and he's calmly sleeping, then I can figure it's not real either.
I've had instances in the past where I really did see demons (yes, they are very much real and very evil). I know those were real though because others saw them with me at the same time. If they had been hallucinations, only I would've seen them. There is NO such thing as a group hallucination. With this being said, I don't always know if they're real or not when I see them.
When I have these hallucinations (or hear voices - a few days ago a voice kept telling me to kill myself, but I kept fighting back saying no until it finally went away), I tend to be so afraid that I forget to ask for help from Jesus. Yet there are times when I've had nightmares of the demonic, and when I have cried out to Jesus for help, he ALWAYS comes to my rescue and they flee. They know this too because they'll do everything they can to shut me up in these nightmares (like sewing my mouth shut, or even trying to kill me). Of course, these are just nightmares though right? Maybe, maybe not. Recently I did see one of the figures that used to torment me in my sleep. I don't know if it was a hallucination or if it was real, but it really frightened me. My test I did failed as well. It only went away when my husband came (I was in the car). ANYWAY....
What if when I see something or hear voices (whether they're caused by my psychosis or are real), I called out to Jesus for help? I mean, if it works in my dreams, couldn't it work when I'm awake too? He has saved me in other ways, not just in my dreams. He's literally saved my life - multiple times. I'd list all the times, but I'm sure there are even more incidents that I may not even know about! So instead of being so fearful (flight vs fight - I'm always in flight mode), I should cry out to Jesus for help, and surely, he will come to my rescue! I'm never alone, even when I feel very much alone. He is ALWAYS with me no matter what. He'll walk through this life with me. If they really are demonic, they're more terrified of him than I am of them. He will rescue me, I know he will!
No comments:
Post a Comment