You're Not Alone

Ever feel alone in your struggles?  Ever feel like no one understands you?  Does life seem to be crushing you?  Does it seem like no matter what you do, it's never good enough?

This is how I often feel.  Often times I'll smile, but it's fake.  In reality, I don't really remember how to smile.  I try to smile, but it feels awkward.  I often feel like I can't catch a break - there's always something trying to break me to my knees and I can't get back up.  Sometimes I'll say jokingly (because I'd rather be cold, temperature-wise, than hot), "I like the cold, just like my soul."  While I do say this as a joke, there's some half-truth in it too.  I often feel like I'm a terrible person, if not one of the worst.  I see the darkness in me and I hate it; and I try to get rid of it, but can't seem to be able to.  It boggles my mind why anyone would want to be around me.  With all my mental illnesses combined with my addictions, I often don't feel like people are able to understand me or even relate to me.  I've been through so much rejection in my life, I sometimes wonder if it's even worth trying to be around other people - so I isolate myself.  Who could understand me?  Who could understand the darkness in me?  Who could understand what it's like to have your brain and body turn on you?  If you feel this way, know this: you're not alone and you are greatly loved.

We are ALL broken in some way.  People may not always be so open about it like I am, some don't even realize how broken they are.  I am open about my brokenness because




Three times I begged the Lord to take it away.  Each time he said, "My grace is all you need.  My power works best in weakness."  So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

2 Corinthians 12:8-9




Hey, if God can love me, he can certainly love you!  Scratch that, it's not that he CAN love you, but that he DOES love you!  YOU are his pride and joy, and he understands how you feel.  He knows how broken you are - and loves you regardless.  We are not alone in our struggles, there are others who struggle with the same problems.  Even if we were alone though, we're not because Christ understands our struggles.  Even now I feel like breaking down and weeping (and I mean ugly crying) because there are times where it seems like everything is working against me - and it's okay to cry.  It's okay to hurt.  We weren't promised to have a perfect life.  We were actually promised the opposite - life is going to be difficult.





"If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first."

John 15:18





It's been a tough week for me, and I've thought about throwing in the towel and saying, "That's it!  I'm done!  I give up!  I can't do this anymore!"  Seems like suicide is always in the back of my mind as an option....
But I refuse to give up!  I've never seen myself as much of a fighter.  When it comes to fight vs flight, I'm ALWAYS in flight mode.  I'll try to fight back, but it always ends badly - so I end up being a doormat.  Maybe I'm more of a fighter than I realize though.  It's a struggle to get out of bed every day - yet I still get up.  It's a struggle to not hurt myself in some way (in case you don't know, I self-sabotage everything), yet I'm still here - though that isn't completely my decision.  I've tried to escape, I've tried to give up, but it didn't work.  I'm still here.....

I often wonder why it is I'm still here, and I think I've figured out why.  I can't give up.  If I give up, what does that say about Christ?  That he can't help me get through life?  That he's not strong enough?  That he doesn't care?  No, I refuse to give up!

Yes, I am broken - perhaps even more broken than most people, but I'm not alone, just as YOU are NOT alone!  Jesus is right there with you, saying, "I'm here!  I'm with you!  Just come to me!  I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28)!"  Go to him.  Let him help you.  Let him comfort you.  Let him hold you.  Cry in his arms.  He understands the pain and the frustrations in life.  Let him in.  I know that's difficult.  It's difficult to let people in that you can see, hear, and touch; how can you with someone you can't?  I'm not going to lie, it's REALLY difficult - but you can!  I've seen enough things that can't be mere "coincidence" that he was active in my life (or others lives).  He is there, and he has shown me over and over again that he's in control.  Go ahead and say I'm crazy, or I'm delusional.  Go ahead and try to break me - it's nothing that no one has tried to do before.  I'm not going to give up though, because I know Christ won't give up on me either.  I've been broken long enough to know I can't go through life alone.  God has a lot of grace for me, and I know he does for you too.  If he has grace for me, he has grace for you.  If he can save a wretch like me, he can save you too.