The End?

Creative writing by me


I couldn't take it anymore - the stress, the pain, the sickness inside my heart and the sorrows in my soul.  I wasn't going to put up with it anymore.  I was tired - tired of everything - the bad and the good.  So I decided it was time to put an end to it all.

I was all alone. I went out into the woods where no one could see me - no one could hear me.  Then again, did anyone really see my pain?  Did anyone really hear my cries for help?  If I was ignored then, they'd ignore me now.  How many people must've thought the world would be better off without me - and I believed them.

I started to write a note - a note of goodbyes to those who did care about me.  I didn't want them to blame themselves for what I was about to do.  I knew it would hurt them, but again, the world would be better off without me right?

I finished writing the note.  I grabbed the rope out of my bag and began to tie it to a tree.  I felt numb, like I was just an empty shell.  It was as if my soul was already dead.  As I was tying the rope, I began to start to have regrets.  Thoughts came to mind, "How are my loved ones going to respond when they find out what I've done?  How are my loved ones going to feel knowing I'm gone?  What if this isn't the way out?"  I was determined this time though.  This time, I would shut off those thoughts.  The noose was ready.  Tears began to flow down my cheek.  "Is this really what I want?"  As soon as I was about to jump off the rock with the noose around my neck, I saw someone coming towards me.  I wasn't sure what to do.  If they saw what I was about to do, they would try to talk me out of it.  That's not going to happen this time though.  It doesn't matter if they see me do this; nothing really matters anymore.

The person came closer, and closer, until I made out that it was a man.  He looked close to my age, around in his 30's.  I wanted to jump, but something was holding me back.  I couldn't do it for some odd reason.  No matter how much I tried to reason with myself, no matter how much I wanted to jump, I couldn't do it.  As the man got closer, he was looking straight at me - as if he were looking deep in my soul.  He did not have a look of panic, which really surprised me.  He did however have a look of sadness.  He stopped right in front of me - just looking in my eyes.  I couldn't look in his though.  Every time I even caught a glimpse in his eyes, I felt unworthy.  There was something about this man, I couldn't put my finger on it, but something was different.  I just looked down at my feet.

"You can't stop me so go away."  I told the man.  The man just stood there without saying a word.  "Is there something you want?"  I asked him.  Again he was silent.  I began to get irritated.  "Are you morbid or something?  Do you enjoy watching people die?"  Once again, he was silent.  "It's not like he cares about me anyway, he doesn't even know me."  I told myself.  Just as I was about to jump, the man suddenly held me.  I was shocked!  This morbid man - this man I don't even know, is holding me?  He held me tighter than I've ever been held before.  My bones almost felt like they were going to break.  Then I heard sniffling - he was crying?  Over me?  Surely not crying over me!  Then he whispered,"Yes, I am crying over you."  Wait, is he able to read my mind?

"You are in so much pain, darkness is devouring you.  You feel so alone, yet you fail to realize you're not alone.  I have been with you since the very beginning - before you were even a thought.  I've been with you through the pain, through the rejection, through the abuse, through the torment in your soul.  But I have not once ever left your side.  I put those thoughts in your head to not go through with this.  But you stopped depending on me.  You stopped talking to me.  You pushed me away, while I stood there with my arms open.  Come to me, you who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest.  That goes for you too.  My rest may not come immediately, but it will come.  You can rest in me, and I will give you peace.  My peace is not the same as the world's version of peace.  My peace is knowing you are not alone, and that I treasure you more than anything you could ever imagine - more than there are stars in the galaxy.  More than there are grains of sand that covers the entire earth.  You are my precious child, and when you hurt, I hurt with you.  Those who rejected you, reject me as well.  Those who abused you, abused me too.  I am close to the brokenhearted, and that includes you.  Don't throw your life away, I gave you life as a gift.  You may feel there is nothing good in your life anymore, but there is good.  There are people who love you.  You can hear music from the birds singing to each other after a fresh rain.  Being able to even breathe is a gift in itself.  You are my gift, and a gift to the world as well.  It's a shame there are those who don't see you as a gift, but that is not how I see you.  You are my child, and you are very dear to me.  I hate to see you suffer, I am not morbid at all.  I want to see you live!  I want to watch you show the world the love I have for each and every person out there - including you.  I died a painful death so you wouldn't have to.  The world is not better off without you - if it were, I would not have created you.  The world needs you to tell them about the Good News.  Don't throw your life away.  You may be going through the fire right now, but when you come out, you will be a beautiful creation made in my image by my hands.  I will never leave you nor forsake you.  Put your trust in me.  You are fearfully and wonderfully made, and if people can't see that, then that is their own sickness in their hearts, not yours.  My grace is sufficient for you, I work best in your weaknesses.  My grace is enough to get you through your day.  Rely on me to heal you.  Rely on my love - not the love from people.  Their love is fleeting - here one moment and gone another.  My love, however, is deep and eternal.  You can't even imagine how deep my love is for you, and it will never go away.  It will never lessen, no matter what.  I love you."

I began to weep with him.  "I'm so sorry Lord!  Please rescue me!"  He took the noose off around my neck, and kissed my cheek.  "I will always come to your rescue.  It may not be immediate, but I will always come when you need me most."