First off, I'm sorry I have not blogged in a while. In all honesty, I've been really struggling. I try so hard to hold it together in life, but sometimes you can't hold it together. Last night as I was trying to sleep (I hardly slept at all), I nearly broke down in tears. I was praying and said, "I just want to feel you close to me. If I could feel that, I know I could get through this."
Sometimes, Jesus appears to me in my dreams. I don't talk about them often though. For one thing, they're very rare. I also don't want to appear like I'm bragging or anything - I'm just like everyone else. I'm not favored more than anyone else. They just happen. Lastly, they're very special to me. I hold them very near and dear to me, because I feel really close to Him when I have these dreams.
He did not appear to me in a dream last night, but I did have a dream that I think may have been an answer to my prayer, that or my heart was just working things out, Idk.
So in my dream, I was outside and it had snowed - a lot! For some reason, a bunch of people decided to go ice skating, and I decided to do the same thing. As I was skating (which I have not done since middle school), I saw a lake. It was iced over, but it was extremely thin ice. There were parts of the lake that had not iced over where of all things, ducks were swimming in (yea, my dreams often don't make any sense). Part of me wanted to go in the lake. I thought, "No one would ever know I'd froze in the lake. I could end all this suffering right now." Something told me not to go in still though. Idk what it was, but I decided not to do it and skated somewhere else. As I was skating past it, the ice on the lake started melting even quicker to the point where it looked like there wasn't anymore ice covering it. It almost looked more like a spring instead of a lake, and more animals (and Idk why, but even rabbits) were swimming in the lake. Then a bunch of rabbits came out of the lake and they got really close to me. It was odd. There was still snow all around me though. I saw some kids (by kids I mean teenagers) in a circle discussing. I've always had a heart for teenagers. I decided to join them. They were talking about how difficult their lives have been. One of them in particular discussed how her mom hated her job and yet couldn't get out of it. I told her how maybe there was a reason why her mom couldn't get out of that job. Maybe she was meant to reach someone there. Then I said, "If I can reach even just one person with the Good News, then my suffering will all have been worth it." Then I woke up.
The last thing I said in the dream keeps repeating in my head. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's just my emotions trying to work things out. Maybe it was God telling me something. Or maybe it's just as random as the rabbits leaping out of the lake towards me. I honestly don't know. What I do know though is it's true, if I can reach even just one person to Christ with the Good News, my life will have been worth living. All the suffering I've been through, will have been worth it. This isn't just true about me though, it's true about everyone! If we could just reach at least one person with the Good News, everything we've been through will all have been worth it.
Anyway, these are just my thoughts this morning....
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