Give Me My Life Back

In case you haven't figured out by now, I'm a big fan of Papa Roach, and this is one of their older songs I've been feeling lately.  Let's take a look at the lyrics.

All the walls coming down around me

I know that I’m fucked up and infected
I’ve been hiding in the fear rejected
Thank God that you finally found me
Cause you got to get me out of here
I’ve been sick and disconnected
I’ve been loving like I’ve been neglected
All the walls coming down around me
And you got to get me out of here

I can’t take anymore

I don’t wanna to breathe I don’t want to die
I can’t feel I’m paralyzed
I’m not taking this tonight
Give me back my life
I can’t breathe I can’t fight
I don’t wanna feel like I’m alive
I’m not taking this tonight
Give me back my life

I know I’m a walking contradiction
I’m the truth that you wish was fiction
And this heart isn’t known to hate me
I just want to disappear
I’ve been on a self-inflicted mission
To destroy everything I’m given
Thank God that you finally found me
Cause you got to get me out of here

I can’t take anymore

I don’t wanna to breathe I don’t want to die
I can’t feel I’m paralyzed
I’m not taking this tonight
Give me back my life
I can’t breathe I can’t fight
I don’t wanna feel like I’m alive
I’m not taking this tonight
Give me back my life

You took my pride
You took control
There’s nothing sacred anymore
Give back what’s mine
Give back my soul

I don’t wanna breathe
But I don’t wanna die

I don’t wanna to breathe I don’t want to die
I can’t feel I’m paralyzed
I’m not taking this tonight
Give me back my life
I can’t breathe I can’t fight
I don’t wanna feel like I’m alive
I’m not taking this tonight
Give me back my life

I don’t wanna to breathe I don’t want to die
I can’t feel I’m paralyzed
I’m not taking this tonight
Give me back my life
I can’t breathe I can’t fight
I don’t wanna feel like I’m alive
I’m not taking this tonight
Give me back my life


So, I fear rejection a lot.  I've experienced rejection so much, I'm always afraid it's right around the corner with everyone who knows me, even the ones who love me.  I always feel their affection for me is temporary, once they see the real me, the ill, sickly person I am, they'll abandon me.  I'm very sick, not physically, but I have a lot of mental sickness.  It leaves me disconnected from people and I just hide in myself.  I get better for a short time, but then I get sick again.  I hate it.  I can't take this anymore!  I'm self-destructive and have been for a long time.  I destroy the things that are dear to me, and I'm a cutter (in the process of trying to stop). I'm a contradiction, my very existence is a contradiction.  I show a mask, a happy put-together person who tries to help other people.  But the truth is I'm miserable, sick, and can't even help myself.  I'm in so much pain, but part of me is numb at the same time.  I don't see beauty in anything anymore, which is pretty bad for an artist.  I feel like I can't fight this anymore.  I keep fighting and fighting and I'm to the point I just can't anymore.  I have no more energy and no more will power to fight it anymore.  I don't want to live anymore.  I used to want to, but I don't anymore.  I'm so tired.  Even though I don't want to live, there's a part of me that doesn't want to die either.  Perhaps there's a part of me that still wants to fight this.  I decided two nights ago though that I'm still going to try to fight this, I'm going to try to not give up.  I want my life back!  I'm so sick of this!  So I'm going to keep trying to fight for my life back!