In a couple weeks the catechism classes start at the Orthodox Church I've been going to. I'm really looking forward to them; I think I'll learn a lot going to them.
Yesterday my husband and I were almost in a car accident again. It would not have been our fault this time if the car had hit us. It was really scary though. I was almost t-boned again. My husband barely missed getting hit. It brought flashbacks from a couple months ago when we were t-boned. Needless to say, I'm still afraid of cars, or maybe just Georgia drivers in general. My knee still hasn't fully recovered from that accident, but it's getting better.
Lately Shiro (my cat) has been acting strange. He's not the cuddling type, but every morning he cuddles with me for a while. I really like that, but I can't help but wonder why he's doing that. That's not normal of him. He's playing with one of his toys at the moment, and I'm enjoying watching him do that.
Last week, I actually had a couple of good days without really having any episodes. It was really nice. My episodes can be quite draining on me. I'm sure they can be draining on people around me too. I always feel so alone in my struggles, like no one understands me. If no one can understand my pain, how can they help me? I'm so used to people abandoning me or insulting me, that it surprises me whenever anyone sticks by me or says something nice about me. It's the reason why I don't accept compliments very well. I've had so many years hearing the opposite, that I just can't believe anything nice anyone says about me. I have a lot of false humility. People have told me in the past that they thought I was humble, but I've always known I'm not humble. I have a lot of self-hatred, and I have a lot of self-focus. We often equate someone who is humble to not think highly of themselves, but what humility really is, is someone who doesn't have a lot of self-focus. If you're like me and have a lot of self-hatred, it does not mean you are humble. If you have a lot of self-focus, even if it's negative self-focus, that's false humility.
I've lost 13 lbs in three weeks (didn't lose anything last week though) and gone down one dress size! I'm on a new diet a friend from Celebrate Recovery is helping me with. I've cut out bread, potatoes, rice, and sweets. It's been tough but worth it I think. I'm going to be trying to do more walking. I'm just hoping I'll be getting more energy. I'm always so tired, and honestly, being on this new diet has made me even more exhausted. I can barely make it to 8:30 at night! I'm 28 years old, I should not be going to bed that early!
This weekend my husband is going to interview me on his podcast on suicide awareness. It's going to be really difficult because I have no idea how deep he's going to want me to get. I don't know what all he's going to want me to share. I'm honestly really nervous about it. I hope I'll be able to help people, even if it's just one person.
I've been going through the Apocrypha. I've never read them before so I thought it'd be a good idea to go through them. I'm currently reading Judith. I recently finished Tolbit and really liked it. I've been thinking about writing a blog on Tolbit, but I haven't really figured out what I would write about it.
That's about all I've got for now.
No comments:
Post a Comment