Gravity

Here are the lyrics to Gravity by Papa Roach:

I was there on the day truth died
Blood on my hands, throw them up in the sky
I was a number one sinner no less
My life was a lie and my wish was a death
I fell in love with the ways of the world
Money and the fame, the booze and the girls
But I couldn't stay faithful if I tried
I'd turn into a devil you could see it in my eyes
I blacked out, told you everything I ever did
I couldn't take all the lies I was living with
I broke your heart, broke up the next day
My bags outside yelling get the hell away
You're not a husband, not a father just a pig
And you can never change all the things that you did
That's when I knew it, it wouldn't last
You'll never get away when you're running from the past

And we fly...
Fly into outer space
I float away but you're my gravity
Die to love another day
We rise again and lose our gravity

I'm a broken man, I'm full of sin
I'm sick of all this hell that I'm livin' in
I can't escape it – this is how it feels
When you try to numb the pain with a thousand pills
You tore me down and wished that I was dead
Said you wanna sleep alone in another bed
But when I push you away, you only pull me closer
It's only over when we both wanna say it's over
I gotta change – this is not who I am
I wanna start over, wanna try this again
You're everything I need, everything I'm not
So pull the trigger give me one more shot

And we fly...
Fly into outer space
I float away but you're my gravity
Die to love another day
We rise again and lose our gravity

You love me You hate me
You kiss me You break me
You lifted me up just to watch as you dropped me
You promised me – looked me straight in the eyes
No matter what you say – I don't know the truth from the lies
I held you up like I always do
I forgave you for your sins and I carried you through
No matter how hard we fall
We always knew
You will bleed for me, and I will bleed for you

And we fly...
Fly into outer space
I float away but you're my gravity
Die to love another day
We rise again and lose our gravity

And we fly...
Fly into outer space
I float away but you're my gravity
Die to love another day
We rise again and lose our gravity

And we fly...
Fly into outer space
I float away but you're my gravity
Die to love another day
We rise again and lose our gravity

Baby we can float away 

I've been feeling this song lately.   I consider myself one of the worst of sinners.  My life is a lie.  I come across to people as someone happy and put together....but that's not the truth.  The true me is broken, in agony, and I just wish I could disappear and never come back.  I used to trust people....I was too trusting.  For the most part I'm an open book, but there are some things I keep private.  There was one friend, who pretty much knew everything about me.  I told them everything.  I trusted them.  But I was wrong to trust them.  As much as I want to runaway from the past though, it always catches up with me.  God continually makes me face them and my problems.

I'm sick of the way I'm living.  But I can never escape it.  I've cut myself, overdosed, burned myself, tried to expose a vein, all ways trying to escape.  But I always survive, and I always have to face things again.  All because I was betrayed.  I want to start things over, but I'll never be able to.  I have to move on, whether I like it or not. 

This friend who turned on me, for a while they made me feel important, special.  I thought I had something I had wanted for a long time.  But they broke me.  They lied to me, and now I can't tell what is true and what is a lie.  I forgave them again and again, no matter how many times they abused me I kept forgiving them and let them walk all over me. 

I try to move on with my life, but the memories of this person keep pulling me down like gravity.  Some day, I'll move on.  I will probably never forget them, but some day I won't be crippled by this anymore.