One Year

It's been one year today since my childhood idol Chester Bennington took his life.  When I first heard about it a year ago, my heart was shattered.  If he couldn't overcome his obstacles, how could I overcome mine?  There were 30% more calls to the suicide hotline than normally that day.  I guess I wasn't the only one who thought if he couldn't overcome his obstacles, I probably couldn't either.  In his last album he recorded with Linkin Park, I wish he had listened to the lyrics to his song "One More Light."  If he had realized that there are people who loved him (and I don't mean just his fans, but his friends and family too), would he have stayed?  See, depression is tricky - it lies to us.  It tells us we're completely alone.  It tells us no one loves us.  It tells us no one understands us. It tells us that we're failures no matter what we do.

Do I feel suicidal still?  Sometimes.  But I've chosen not to give into it and go through with it since the car accident.  I do understand feeling depressed.  I understand how living with mental illnesses can be a living hell.  I understand feeling desperate to escape, and feeling like the only way out is through death.  But it won't accomplish anything good.  Suicide doesn't get rid of the pain, it transfers it.

I think we need to change how we report suicide though.  The media is very good with giving details on how a person died.  Whenever they've reported on a suicide, they don't just say "died by suicide."  They give the details on how that person killed themselves.  This can be a trigger for people who struggle with suicidal ideations.  Instead of giving the details, just report that the person has passed.  If you must report that it was a suicide, just leave it at that, they died by suicide.  Don't give the details on how the person killed themselves.

If you are feeling suicidal, please, talk to someone about it.  Your life is precious, even if your depression tells you differently.